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The EXPENDABLES"Choose your weapon."Love this first version of the poster.
(2010) Director:
Sylvester Stallone It was impossible for this movie to be bad. We came to see our Action movie heroes, and it delivered. What was missing for me was that they didn't make us care about the characters like we rooted for Rocky and Rambo. If Bruce Willis had had a bad habit of sending the team on shit missions, and they had a habit of being smart enough to pull it off anyway (opener), then when Willis intended to send the whole 'expendable' team on what might have been a suicide mission for his own ends (intel on Eric Roberts?), but just Stallone and Statham smartly went alone first to check it out (as it happened), and got caught. Stone Cold etc. could have beat the hell out of them, and the girl could have saved their lives, giving them a reason to go back other than just rescue (gratitude and revenge), and we would have been rooting for S&S to win over the bad guys (other than they're just bad guys). If there was something that Bruce Willis did that deserved for them to come back and kick his ass too, that would have been awesome. We needed to hate Eric Roberts and we didn't (much), and Bruce's character was a throwaway. Anybody still reading? Regardless, it was an enjoyable ride and I loved it: Here's lots of reasons why:
CHOOSE YOUR WEAPON They're all deadly!
This was part Buddy movie with Stallone and Jason Statham as close friends with a playful relationship—they are a little competitive, and a little boss-and-sidekick—and part Heist movie. It worked well. Most of the rest of this amazing cast are just supporting players. (Not that there's anything wrong with that.) If you can get Stone Cold Steve Austin to play a henchman, go for it! Stallone rocked the house in several ways. First, one word: "reload". WOW! WHAT THE HELL was that?! The scene near the end of the movie when you've already been blown away by Terry Crews and the big gun—Stallone is firing two guns, one in each hand, and reloads lightning fast a couple times. I have a gun-enthusiast friend who gets pissed when reloading is not part of the gunfight and the timing/strategy, and this scene alone rachets up the action-movie-WOW-factor points. Yeah, it's THAT bad ass. My friend's point is you can be good at shooting but in a life-or-death situation you better be just as good at reloading. There are several impressively fast reload moments other than this, but this one is so holy-shit-over-the-top that it stayed with me more than everything else combined. And that's saying a lot because they really BLOW SHIT UP! It took me back to Rambo III (my favorite Stallone movie). Second, Stallone looks good. For 64, for any age. His age is showing a little. Granted there are few men, let alone 64-year-old men, who look like that or can do what he does. It shows just a little here and there but despite that, he's fucking awesome!!! That he would even be able to cast himself to fight Steve Austin should shut up any detractors. He fractured his neck proving he can still do it. Unfortunately, because of that, maybe now he can't. So, he may start to use stunt men more and more, or he may keep trying to do things he shouldn't and end up getting hurt again. That remains to be seen. All I know is, #1 I will pay to see anything he has anything to do with, and #2 He's got to, at some point, consider it might be smarter to be Bosley and not an Angel. Of course he once said on a talk show "If you slow down, you die" so that's not likely.
Sylvester's Devils
Statham as Stallone's sidekick works well. I had trouble
hearing their dialogue both times I saw the movie (excited audience), but I am sure I will
figure it out after the 4th or 5th time. I would say we don't go to
action movies for the dialogue, but OH YES! we do! We love those
cheesy one-liners! I just wish this movie had more of them.
Being a bad ass gets is at its sweetest when you rub it in someone
else's face!
Jet Li
comes off the best in the hand-to-hand fight scenes; the most believable. He's still got it 100% (although he was injured
in real life as well, though not on this movie). He's so fast, he's a blur. Sometimes you end up looking at the spot
where he was and he's already somewhere else. His fight scenes were
choreographed by Corey Yuen and represent the best moves in the
movie. Compared to Statham who did his signature-style complicated fights
that are almost like a dance,
taking on multiple people at a time with different weapons, Li's
fighting seemed more straightforward when, really, it was incredible. The
movie packs in so much intensity in the last big showdown that it's
hard to take it all in. I loved it that both Statham and Li showed
up to help at the end. "It's good to have friends!"
I have not followed the career of
Dolph
Lundgren like the very knowledgeable guys at
AllOuttaBubbleGum.com (check out their
reviews of his movies, especially
Universal Soldier: Regeneration),
but it was cool to see Lundgren pitted against Jet Li.
Toughness knows no
size restrictions. It said more about Li, of course, than
Lundgren. Lundgren
was cast as a good guy gone bad, redeemed by Stallone's mercy. I
overheard people in the audience saying "remember 'that guy'"?. . .
Are they kidding me?! He's Dolph Lundgren, bitches! (RIP Rick James)
Terry Crews
stole the show!
I hope we see more of him in action movies. I know everyone loves him from Everybody
Hates Chris (and commercials). He was having a really good time and it showed. Although he doesn't have a big
role, between his incredible physique
(at one point his arms look like inflated balloons) and the
AA12,
he brings the thunder and
the lightning. I was really glad I didn't see or hear the AA12
before I saw the movie. That gun must pack such a huge kick I
am sure not just anyone could even hold onto it after they pull the
trigger. It takes someone like Terry Crews to make it look
easy. I thought the AA12 would have to be the most impressive
part of the movie. I was wrong. As crazy as Crews and the AA12 was, when I
saw Stallone do the double-handed reloads, I thought WOW! better and
better.
I would LOVE to see
Terry Crews cast in Gears
(if they ever make
Gears—I read it was stalled).
(Stone Cold)
Steve Austin
(love that name) is rock hard. He's a
walking wall of muscle. Just looking at his neck makes me afraid.
They say the bigger they are, the harder they fall—I think that
applies only to fat people. He's got to be damn near impossible to
take down. Seeing Stallone wailing away at him, punching him
repeatedly in the gut, I felt sorry for Stallone's hands the next
day. All Steve Austin needs to be a really big star is just to
loosen up a big. He seems like a really great guy but he also seems
sometimes like he's pinching himself that he's really doing these
things (like being in a movie with Sylvester Stallone). He's fun to
watch and I really wanted to see more
of him. I liked him so much in The Stranger and The
Condemned, I think I have to go buy the DVDs. With the right role, he might get the confidence he
needs to break out and be an action superstar. He might be too nice
a guy though, needs more ego, more bravado.
Randy Couture
Seems a little like cheating, casting a real
fighter, but it's also smart. He's a big draw. Surprise: The speaking/acting part
for Couture was
mainly comedy.
[No, this picture is
not from the movie, but who can resist seeing Randy Couture with
such a cute puppy.]
The Boys ARE Back
"Once Upon A Time there were . . . "
The
Expendables had LOTS of action. When it didn't (the dialog parts), I think it was just
my
anticipation getting in the way of enjoying the movie. I think I
expected every minute to be full-on action because there were so many stars.
Arnold, Bruce, Mickey, and Eric Roberts were just window dressing,
but it's a boys club and cool guys have cool friends. If I see this
movie three more times and can hear a couple of repeatable cheesy
lines, I'll be set, and ready to buy it on DVD and watch it over and
over. I can already hear the whump whump whump sound of the AA12 bothering my neighbors . . .
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There was one sad note I couldn't ignore of a
super skinny old horse in the poppy fields scene. Guys don't seem to
notice these things, but it took me right out of the escapist action
fantasy. |